Isn’t Love Supposed to Be “Enough” To Save a Relationship? Not Hardly!

Isn't Love Enough? Not Hardly

The relationship between a man and a woman can be hard to navigate on a good day.

When trying to save a relationship, there is a myth that is so widely perpetrated by the media it’s hard for women like you to uncover the real truth.

As a result you find you are often floundering around in murky relationship waters, struggling to stay afloat and feeling at a loss as to why the heck your man (who loves you to pieces mind you) doesn’t want to get married and doesn’t want to settle down. And he certainly doesn’t want to have 2.5 kids either.

If you love each other so darn much it should be easy, right?

Well no, not exactly. And there’s the big myth!

It’s like the old Patty Smyth song says…

Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough

Relationships certainly arn’t always easy… and especially so if you’re dating an opposite personality from you.

Loving someone whole-heartedly is simply not everything you need to create and sustain a successful, committed relationship. It won’t make him want to marry you and put up the white picket fence.

In fact, if you inadvertently trip over what I like to call one of his “mental roadblocks” you might find yourself falling splat on your face while he runs for the hills, dragging that fence along behind him.

The worst part is he may not even fully understand why he pulls away! (And if he doesn’t understand, it makes it pretty tough for you to understand too.)

Luckily it doesn’t have to be so difficult to navigate the murky waters of your man’s emotional undercurrent.

Us men are relatively simple creatures for the most part, and operate with only a handful of deeply rooted desires when it comes to loving a woman and accepting her love in return.

When you feed these deeply rooted desires we feel almost compelled to move forward and commit to you. You suddenly become “The One” and we just know it, without even knowing how we know it. And it’s not magic, “man”ipulation or any sort of Jedi mind trick.

It’s simply a deeper level of communication that happens silently but is instantly recognizable. Let’s go ahead and have a quick chat about two of these desires now.

What Do Men Want in Relationships?

Below are two of the deepest rooted desires of men everywhere. These two tips, and the advice below, can help you learn how to stop him from pulling away

  1. We want to be loved for our “true self”.
  2. That almost sounds like something a woman would say right? But it’s true… men often hold two images of themselves in their mind’s eye. One is how he sees himself. The other is how he believes other’s see him. Or more importantly how he believes YOU see him.

    It’s something I like to call the Masculine Hero Avatar Principle (MHAP for short!) which I talk about more deeply in GirlGetsRing. There are actually 4 of these MHAP’s, but we’ll just stick with two for today.

    The bottom line is that just as you need to feel loved, flaws and all… so does your man. He just doesn’t know how to tell you that or even tell himself that!

  3. Every man feels deep down he’s on his own personal life journey with something extremely important he’s destined to accomplish. Ergo, we want a woman who will understand us even better than we do and will help us with discovering and living out our important destiny.

The problem is while a man might feel the above things deep down in their heart of hearts they don’t always know it on a coherent level. And if they don’t know it on a coherent level, they certainly aren’t able to verbalize it or knowingly reveal it to you.

So it’s pretty much up to you to figure it out for yourself and then be the woman that gives him exactly what his true self desires. Sounds a wee bit tough right?

Actually it’s not and I cover the why’s and how’s of what men want from women much more extensively in the Girl Gets Ring Course. It’s really much easier than you think and it’s based in large part around a premise that men feel things in three pretty broad strokes when dating a woman.

I liken it to what I call the Magic Traffic Signal…

Using Traffic Signals To Get Him To Commit?

Well, not literally…however, the traffic signal powerfully represents exactly how a man chooses to move forward in his relationships.

Just like a traffic signal, a man also has signals that send him positive, feel good vibes that motivate him to want to pursue you and move the relationship in a forward direction (aka his inner green light).

Or he gets signals that warn him to slow down, put on the brakes, and sometimes skid to a stop and reverse in another direction altogether (aka his inner yellow light and red light, respectively).

The rather twisted part is that the color of his signal has absolutely nothing to do with his love or attraction for you. They are two totally separate things. But in order for a man want to marry you or move deeper into a relationship, he must feel both the love in his heart and get the big glowing green light at the same time.

So, while a traffic signal and getting a guy to commit to you ARE two separate things, they are still very connected. I know, rather weird isn’t it?

For most men, you will find the majority will feel things both in their gut (where I like to think their Magic Traffic Signal resides) and in their heart.

However 9 times out of 10 a man will listen only to his gut and not pay much attention to his heart.

Unfortunately that means that if his gut is in opposition with his heart, it spells pretty big trouble for any sort of future or marriage potential.

The big secret here though is that YOU have the power to trip the big green light in his belly, just by learning to recognize where he may unconsciously be trying to throw a monkey wrench in the works.

Men often do this unknowingly by setting what I like to call “man traps”. Basically these are traps that, if interpreted in the wrong way, will trigger warning bells in a man’s gut that scream at him to step back and reassess. In other words they aren’t sending that green light!

Remember that a man just doesn’t process feelings or act on them in the same way you do, ever.

He only gets these very nebulous, unconscious “gut feelings” and then often proceeds to make all his decisions based on those signals or unconscious “gut feelings” even when he’s madly in love with you and wildly attracted to you.

And Perhaps The Best Tip of All About What Men Want From a Woman?

The real truth is that a man does need to love you, 100% and whole-heartedly in order to truly want to make you his partner for life. However he also needs to get that green light deep down in his belly, in perfect alignment with his heart.

And you can get that green light by letting him reveal his true self to you and letting him know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love him completely, warts in all, just in the same way you desire him to love you.

Now tell me… what color do you think your man’s traffic signals are? Are they the green light you need them to be in order to move forward into marriage? Do you mistakenly believe that love is enough to get you where you want to go?

I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.

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Leave A Reply (6 comments so far)


  1. Taz
    5 years ago

    So, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 5 months. He has a very quiet nature but has a sexy, sensitive and agressive side as well. Recently, he has decreased the amount the time we are spending together. Mind you, he’s in school about to graduate, doesn’t have much money. I don’t nag him or criticize him. I’m not sure what’s going on. I have texted him a few times this week, which he usually responds withing 5-10 minutes, if not immediatedly. I think the traffic light is yellow at this point. I’m about to go back to school in a few months as well. I really like like him alot. He says he cares about me, thinks I am special and has said that I make him feel like a real man-I’m the only woman that he wants. That’s sweet but the uncertainty is driving me crazy and I don’t want to push. He has a child as well from a previous relationship. I haven’t met his child as of yet but he does tell me some things about him. What do you think?


  2. Natalie
    4 years ago

    Why does it seem that it’s us women that having to read, and change the way we think and feel, why can’t you rwrite so men can try and see us for how we think and feel, to be able to understand why we are more about how they make us feel…. Just a question


  3. lorna
    4 years ago

    Hi, im in a magic relationship, we share everything from our hearts, our sex life is magic, and have known him for 10 years, but only recently started dating. He is wonderfull and he phones me about 10 times a day, asking how i am, and he loves me and im the best thing ever happened to him, he has been divorced a very long time and so have i, so we realy connect very well, we cook together and love all the same things, we dont go clubing or drinking we both hate that, but he would sometimes say i will make a fantastic wife to somebody oneday. He always tell me he loves me very much, but say’s that, now i dont know what to say or do. I had a boyfriend before him for 10 years and he passed away and acording to his will im not allowed to have a relationship in an year( he rules from the grave) then i lose my inherritance so basicly im still under contract for 2 months and we always make jokes saying that im still under contract, do you think he might change after my 2 months are over, he has asked me to move in with him, but i must first buy myself something i can call my own, rent it out and move in with him, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and love him dearly. He treats me like a queen and i know we will be happy, but still need answers about his true feelings


  4. Eileen
    4 years ago

    trust seems to be what alot of men need- at least thats what they have told me, respect- with his decisions, both past and present, listen to them


  5. Zah
    4 years ago

    Hi! I’m in a relationship with a guy for 2yrs now, and his been engadged
    In this 2yrs. And now he broke up his engadgement and it’s one month going to two months now.

    My concern now is: is he really out or at the back of his mind he wants to go back to his fiance? I asked him if he is going back or wants to go back, his answer was why am I bothering myself about that. He said he is here and wants to be with me but I can shake off this feeling that he still wants to go back to her.

    This thinking is making me loose my mind and wants to brake off our relationship but I know I love him and want to be with him. I want him in my life, I need him, I care and love him.

    What do I do??


  6. Claudia A
    3 years ago

    I have been in a relationship with a man for over 3 years but he still does not want to tell his boys or my son yet we all hang out all the time. Of course when the kids are with there other parent he and I spend time alone together, but he has never taken me south to meet his family or has not moved the relationship to the next level. He treats me great other wise and my son too! not sure what to do. I have tried breaking up whatever you call our relationship but he keeps coming back. Just not wanting to move to the next level. I bought your system girl gets ring but haven’t finished it. Not sure how to log onto it. I lost hope that I can get him to green light. He has been on yellow for 3 years. any advise?