Giving a Man Some Space Can Be a Good Thing

Giving Him Space


C’mon TDub, what’s this “space” you speak of?

We like each other. We want to spend every single minute together.”

I get it. I really do.

Is He Feeling Smothered?

Men needing space is among one of the most common relationship issues. You meet a special guy and things are SO great.

You can’t help how you feel, you just want to spend every waking moment you can with that person.

You’re texting, you’re calling, you’re hanging out, and it’s all gravy.

Then suddenly… he’s back pedaling, looking for the nearest exit. You wind up struggling to understand what the heck went wrong because you thought things were going so well!

Was it something you did? Something you said?

Well, yes and no. Here’s a little secret tip about men for you…

Men Need Space to Fall In Love!

It’s true. Men crave emotional connection the same as women do… but sometimes giving them their space does more good for your relationship than piling on the love.

Remember that men and women are wired differently. And the truth of the matter is that while women often tend to fall in love with a man because they are spending time with him… men actually cement their growing feelings for you in the space between spending time with you.

A man can have a fabulous time out on a date with you and think you are the best thing since sliced bread, and even feel a deep connection. But, it’s that space between the times you spend together that really give him the opportunity to reflect and recognize his feelings for you.

Maybe he’s at work and has his hands busy but his mind free. When he hasn’t seen or talked to you recently, his mind begins to wander to you. He might wonder what you’re doing, or wonder how your day is going.

He might even wonder who you’re with right in that moment and feel a teensy pang of jealousy that you might be with a man other than him. Because he hasn’t seen you or heard from you, he just doesn’t know what you’re up to and that creates a bit of mystery for him.

That old “absence makes the heart grow fonder” cliché holds some truth!

And FYI creating a bit of mystery is also a beautiful thing, but that’s another post for another day. I can’t give you all the candy in the jar in one sitting, now can I?

Getting back to topic, in the Girl Gets Ring Course I talk about this idea of giving a man space a little more deeply and it’s really an important relationship issue to remember. So many great relationships wind up falling apart because of this majorly unexpected pothole folks slam into on their road to lasting commitment.

Easy Ways To Give Him His Space

OK so maybe you know intellectually that this whole giving him space premise is sound advice. A common relationship issue women run into is that because you are wired so differently than he is, it can be difficult for you to recognize when you are veering over the line and creeping into smothering territory.

A good way to keep thing moving along without being overwhelming is to focus on being responsive in your interactions and for every tic, offer him a tac. So maybe he calls you one day… the next time the balls in your court and you call him.

If he doesn’t answer… resist the urge to call again! Let him take the lead and call you back. If the connection is there, he will call you back.

Same goes for text messaging. It’s easy to go overboard with texting because it’s so easy and prevalent today. However bombarding a guy with 10 text messages in the space of an hour in comparison to his 3 to you, can start to make him feel a little hunted.

Making him feel hunted is definitely not your goal (at least I hope not!) so keeping the mantra “less is more” going inside your head whenever you are texting him can be helpful. 🙂

The Best Reason of ALL To Give Him Space?

Ultimately your goal is to settle down with the man of your dreams. And he very well could be that guy for you, and you could definitely be that gal for him. But if you don’t give him the space he needs to figure that out on his own, you’re just shooting your relationship in the proverbial foot.

When you give him some space… he starts to think of the last time he hung out with you, how much fun he had, how much your laugh delights him, how he loves the way your nose crinkles when you tease him, and suddenly this really weird phenomenon starts to happen.

He begins to miss you!

And when a man begins to miss you, you know that you’ve made a strong emotional impact that very well could lead to your future together… ring and all!

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Leave A Reply (10 comments so far)

  1. Shelby
    7 years ago

    Thank you; this was wonderful. My boyfriend said he missed me and I had absolutely no idea about any meaning behind it. I was seriously wondering about our future together. Thank you!

  2. Lisa
    7 years ago

    Would if there are more bad times than good? We had a great connection until my not having steady employment and feelings of inadequacy caused me to become insecure and jealous:( The good times we had were great don’t get me wrong just few and far between causing a huge rift in our relationship. He became very distant and emotionally unavailable which added to my insecure feelings and then he broke up with me saying he wasn’t happy and didn’t see a future with me anymore:( Now I want him back and it’s soo hard not to call.. and try and reason with him.. which I know won’t work… but he told me in the past that once he’s done he’s done… i right now am in no contact with him and it has been 7 days… I am doing my best to cope. Any suggestions?

  3. heather
    7 years ago


    Think we all need space, Ia was with a fella for 3 years, he was divorced and so was ia. We started off as friends, and things moved forward from there. When time came for me to move out of state (4hours away) things were good. We would travel back and forth to see each other, then one day Ia got a phone call and he was crying and told me about this “meeting” he had with a lady. He later told me she revealed to him she loved him the minute she saw him, eventually they slept together. Ia found out when visiting and was using his computer (with his permission) and thought was on my own site then to discover Ia wasnt. Ia eventually asked him about it, he at first laughed ( he laughs when he is nervous), he finally came thru. He spoke about me but didnt reveal the whole truth, blamed himself more than her for what happened. He eventually stopped the affair and we tried to work it out, because she was in the office and he was a driver he tried to keep it friendly. He didnt want to get fired, he told her he wasnt ready for a relationship even though we were together. She would profusly confess her love and try to lure him back. BIG age difference too she is 50+ and he was in his late 30’s. Ia would get very mad when would find she had called or text or emailed something. She knew about me and always questioned and tried to make trouble for us. He said to stop that it wasnt about her it was about us. Ia would be the one or he to end the relationship not her, that ia brought her up more than she would about me. In the spring we broke up, he as always wants to stay friends, in the begining Ia said yes. He moved back to his home state in the midwest, we had plans to to that together. He then changed his mind and was actively looking for a place for us, then again changed his mind. Ia myself knew this womans number and texted her about he and Ia, he said it was a selfish mistake that ia contacted her. He still continued to try to be friends, over the summer Ia came out byself for an interview in a different state. For a day we hung out together, and said he wanted to see me before Ia left for trip back to home state at the time. He changed his mind, and said he didnt want to get back with me again.
    Ia told him fine but am not going to “hang out” and be your friend when Ia still have feelings for you. He said fine he wouldnt bother me again, so for 2 weeks everything was good and he texted me to state he missed hearing from me. Again told him what said before, So since then Ia moved to a state and ironically am 3 hours from him. Ia liked the state and his state when visited the year before, He later texted me once moved out here, that he regretted not seeing me before Ia left to go back to home state. Ia again told him the same thing, he said he “wanted to be given the chance” to see if it could work out and would like to visit me sometime if was comfortable with it. He continues to text, sometimes ia make the mistake and text back to soon. Ia have eventually just stopped texting all together, he works a different shift than mine and so ia do here from him before he goes to work. Ia still havent texted him, Ia need space. Since the cheating episode things have been different between us, he said he should have never told me about it, and just dealt with it himself. He says we will always have a love for each other, and said it was very stupid for what he did. He has texted me once he misses me, then other times, he sends hugs and says he thinks of me everyday. Ia just need space, Ia truly do love him, and his mom said she knows he feels the same. She is in contact with me, Ia dont tell her what is going on. He is very private and wont talk about anything, and if you do he is like an ostrich and sticks his head in the sand. He always wants to know how am doing. Sometimes space is good for the woman as well, he took along time to finally come clean about the cheating, and maybe that is why Ia dont trust him. Ia did make the mistake to look into his phone and see her texts, so that is part of reason. He said he doesnt care if Ia dont trust just respect his things, Ia didnt do that when Ia knew the ex-husband was cheating. He is actually and people laugh when say it a nice guy just made a dumb choice. It was a very good relationship between us and he would say the same as well……

  4. Saby
    6 years ago

    Whoo! I am married to a wonderful man who’s everything i ve dreamt of. There is only one problem communication with my husband its a pain on my ……… i tried to sit down with him and make him aware that we really need to come up with ways of talking to each other, but hey no luck, by the way we r on a long distance marriage. Yesterday evening he called and at that time i was asleep, when i called him in the morning to let him know that i saw his call and im sorry i couldn’t answer them because i was asleep. i opened a can of worms. honestly im afraid to even call him i just wonder how is he going to react or ask myself is this the best time to call. i need advice can you help?

  5. Nita
    6 years ago

    What if you are engaged but he taken forever to set a day to get married

  6. Erica Bell
    6 years ago

    I agree. I am in a online relationship with a guy and I give him his space. It is hard because we are both in school. I feel that when he is focus on me he messages me and I will him. I feel that when I did message him too much, it makes it hard for him to miss me. I do miss talking to him, but I want him to miss me.

  7. Ruth
    4 years ago

    Hi!T-Dub thank you so much for this advice it really works for me,Lately my man is committed on me more than before,Recently he just come without even calling in the middle of the night I’ll just hear the nock at my door step,every weekend now he spends a weekend with me,and he told me that his mom asked him that we need to make this official,then he told her its who doesn’t want to commit,Yes I just came out of divorce almost 7 years ago,and he’s from a broken engagement with the mother of his child which I felt he’s not yeat over it,Coz It happened 2years ago,I just want him to heal properly,and I’m helping him by giving him his space and not pushing things,I’m 7 years older than him,So I just want to make sure if things will work out for both of us,and besides we both have debts form our previous relationships which we need to finish,then we can start our own life,and he wants a child by me,but my fear is that will I be able to give him one since sterelised 7years ago.

  8. Maria
    3 years ago

    Thank you so much for your the Words of Wisdom!!? Everytime I even think about picking up the phone or texting “Him” I Stop…Reread the article…and just relax. I will keep you posted on how it goes?.

  9. Linda
    1 year ago

    Hi, my boyfriend is going to be spending the summer in a neighboring state. I was given his post office key to check his mail while he is gone. However, I do have some questions about ” giving him his space.”

    I know that I should NOT bombard him with calls and texts How often would it be safe to text or call him, or do I go “cold turkey?”

    He has not returned my apt…as of this time. He will be leaving in 3 weeks. Should I ask for my key back?

    I have some clothes in his motorhome, that he lives in full time. Do I get my belongings back before he leaves for the summer

    Thank you

    • admin
      1 year ago

      Humm, I’m not sure why you’d want your key back?