Are You Marriage Material or Just a Fling?

Are You Marriage Material?

Men aren’t that complicated. Truly.

It’s pretty common for a man to decide (usually within a few minutes of meeting you) what they categorize you as.

When it comes to first impressions, a guy will often label women into either a “Fling” category or as possible “marriage material”.

Of course, the more you get to know a guy, there’s always the possibility that he will consider you just a friend as well. However, it’s much easier to get out of the friend zone someday than it is to get a guy to consider you more than just a fling.

So, that being the case, let’s focus on one of biggest dating mistakes that women make when wanting to be considered marriage material to a guy. It goes by many names; a fling, one night stand, or even a “booty call”. Yet, despite what it’s called, if a guy puts that label on you then he’s definitely not considering you to be his potential wife someday.

Dating Advice From Men For Women: Are You Marriage Material Or Just a Fling?

If a guy decides that you’re fun to hang with, but avoids taking you home to meet his mother, it’s very possible that he considers you as fling material only. He doesn’t daydream about what your future children might look like, and he doesn’t see you and him living together in a nice home with the white picket fence in his mind’s eye.

Simply put, he doesn’t envision marrying you. He sees you as a “potential no-strings attached” romp in the summer hay and unfortunately, that’s as far as he’s probably willing to take it.

If a man considers a woman as “fling material” only, then the odds of him pursuing a long-term relationship with her, let alone to marry her and have 2.5 kids with her, are slim to none. So, while your friends may advise you to avoid the friend zone, it’s even more critical that you stay out of the fling zone first. Here’s how…

How To Attract a Man And Keep Him…

We already know how important first impressions are. Unfortunately, however, there are many women that get so caught up in what the media says they should look and/or behave like, that they don’t realize exactly how they are being perceived by the opposite sex.

Furthermore, women are conditioned to believe that being seen as sexy is a way of asserting their independence. But in wanting to attract a man to you, there’s sexy… and then there’s way, WAY to sexy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a man… I can appreciate sex appeal. But a little goes a long way. If the sex appeal you’re pushing isn’t sustainable in your day to day life, then it’s probably too much and will send the wrong message to a guy you’re meeting for the first time.

Not to mention if you do move past the dating stage into a long-term commitment and then “let your hair down” so to speak… your man will be left wondering where you came from and what the heck you did with that hot, sexy girl he began dating in the first place!

Can You be Marriage Material AND Sexy? You Bet!

These days, to attract a man and keep him, it’s no longer about just dressing hot and looking sexy. When trying to find Mr. Right, and in getting him to see you as potential wife material, you should know that there are plenty of other things men appreciate in a woman besides her (ahem) assets.

There’s a “new” sexy today that’s being embraced like never before… Intelligence!

Brainy, smart girls can be super sexy for men! In looking for a partner for life, a man wants a woman who not only will match them in brains and intellect, but challenge them as well. I talk about this in GGR as well; it’s what I like to call “Nerdy Chic”.

Here’s interesting relationship advice for women

Smart girls are a turn off ONLY to the type of men that ARE NOT wanting a long-term committed relationship. And, let’s face it, men wanting just a fling would much rather date a naive or dumb girl because they know they can easily get them in the sack and then move on with no muss or fuss.

What Type of Girl Do Men Consider Marriage Worthy?

Whether they openly admit it or not, most men want to marry a woman that is both sexy and smart. In other words, they want the ‘whole package’. And the great thing about intelligence is that you don’t have to be supermodel material to pull off sexy with your intellect.

Brains, confidence, and a having a point of view are just hot no matter how you package it. And the right man will see that immediately and, most likely, he will classify you as marriage material because of it.

Having a strong belief in yourself is another quality men find sexy in a woman; it’s a quality that differentiates you from the other women he might only classify as fling material. If you have a strong sense of self and know exactly who you are, men find that extremely attractive.

More importantly, by showing a man that you are strong and confident, he will also see you as a woman worthy of marriage. They figure if you can hold such a powerful belief in yourself, that then you could hold that kind of belief in him as well.

And deep down inside, men want you to believe in them. They want you to believe they can be the strong man you desire and need them to be.

Relationship Advice For Women Summary:

Attract a man by approaching him from a place of strength and brains, rather than overt sex appeal, if you want him to see you as marriage material. And remember that, although first impressions do count, as a woman you ALONE hold more power over men than you realize!

Especially when getting a guy to choose you as his future wife. Use that power wisely and you just might be pleasantly surprised!

Over to you! Any stories of your own you’d like to share? Please tell me in the comments below!

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Leave A Reply (15 comments so far)

  1. Jane
    7 years ago

    Two things one…i thought I had the man of my dreams…he took me home to his mom, kissed my hand rubbed my feet even washed my hair, we had great chemistry in every department, I opened up to him about my deepest screts (and as far as I know vice versa);then after tens years poof he was gone, no discussion, he said he HAD to go but did not want to; what does that mean? its been three years since he left (during that time we ran into each other several times twice resulted in you know what n just last month (sept 2012 ) he called to wish our daughter (not biological) happy bday n to check on us, but we missed his call n it was from a private number; the last time we talked he claimed he was and has not been seeing anyone but since we split he always calls from a blockecd number…senerios run thru my head n I miss him so much, so does my 19 yr old son;he knows how happy I was with him n all the fun we ALL had…the down side of our courtship was he was basically homeless n couldnt hold a job down n I had to work n support us all, that did bother me but my love n faithfulness for him never faultered, I just want to know why he REALLY left n if I should write a letter to him (we also do not know where he is,but he did tell the children they can call or write his mom n she will give him the message)…we all want to talk to him but fear writing or calling because of rejection or maybe finding out he has another lover or whole new family…but whst is his purpise of calling me out of the blue n keeping secret tabs of me for these three years n yet we are unable to know anything about where he is or has been…the other downsidevwas he was in out of jail before I meet him n several times while we dated(usually for pot n sometimes fighting or being at wrong place at wrong time)bottom line he has a recrd including a felony…the whole time I stayed true but he tries to put me on a guilt trip n said I cheated when he was away…i know he tried hard to dress n act the role of loving husband father person, in fact when we dated several people he know didnt recognize him at first glance(i cleaned him up, corrected his posture, hacalked him by he birth name n opened him up to a world of class and service) he did feel I spent too much time helping others instead of being with him but that IS who I am…i love my family to death but I am a social butterfly…however as I get older I do aporeciate mote time at home (but too late for me cuz now hes gone) so does he still love or did he ever really love me, can we ever renite or does this gap of unknow threten our future…why does he still call so randomly..i am here just lost n lonely…i havent actively datedbut have been in areas opposite sex is …i see their interest but I an NOT interseted in them…i have been attracted to some for all of three seconds because the actually act of intimacy with a stranger kills me, I only want charles…plus I cant imagine sharing the personal things I did with my x….i am such a mess, I wonder how to move IF I have too or since he dies call doez that mean he still wants to be with us and I need to make the mive to go find him n bring him back(but I do worry if he is still jobless, in btw jobs, doing drugs n has slept around)…i cant put myself or children n harms way… From a GUY’S pov n unbias what should I do???? Please respond, I am at my wits it and truly believe I will die alone n from a broken heart. 🙁

  2. Pippa
    7 years ago

    Hi , just wanted to say that I am quite confident and reasonably attractive and divorced… but feel I am having problems with meeting a man who wants a committed relationship with me as I have difficult circumstances…I have a daughter who is on the autism spectrum- she is bright but does need support- which I provide of course,
    Also I had breast cancer 15 yrs ago and so that might be a problem- these 2 things and that Im not that well off financially, as was married to an entitled artist- now my ex– i think are causing me problems in finding a new partner–what would u advise TW? how do i stop men running the other way>>??? One guy did say he wouldnt get involved because of my challenges- disappointing as i liked him… Thanks Pippa

  3. Pippa
    7 years ago

    Hi I would like some feedback , I am a quite confident divorced woman and am reasonably attractive, I can look good and do dress well for dates, I had a few dates with a man recently which ended up with him not wanting to see me anymore- because he said- of my circumstances…I have a daughter who is needing extra support and is on the autism spectrum- she is sweet and a clever artist- he was probably worried by her needing that support if we had a future and it frightened him off- but what does that then mean for me- surely there must be some men out there who are not so worried by a special needs daughter- she needs extra support which I give but i also have free time and carers to look after her and she goes to different classes Mon to Friday- what do others think?
    I think its awful if those of us who’ve had to face extra challenges also have to face a kind of prejudice…
    Also Ive had a breast cancer and am ok but am worried about revealing this- more to worry him with!! Thanks Pippa

  4. Lin
    7 years ago

    How do I avoid the friend zone and return to passion back from him?

  5. lea
    7 years ago

    how can you know before he ask to spend time with you,if he thinks of you as JUst a FLING,.. VS potential “sexual” relationship?

  6. halfmoon
    7 years ago

    I wonder how I can be a marriage material once we are broken up.
    What would be a remedy to make him to want me again.
    He is contacting the person who he had an affair with.

    Help me.

  7. phindi
    7 years ago

    Dear Micheal. I ‘ve dated this guy for 4mnths now,he told me I was very smart n a marriage material, he will call me everday until he decides to stop n not calling me or texting,must I continue calling n texting?

  8. Marcia
    7 years ago

    This article is not all together true. There are men who like sex appeal and will still consider a woman marriage material. I know several women who dress sexy all the time & are married. There are some women who met their husbands at strip clubs when they were stripping! So what does that say?!! Anyway, each man is different and a particular preference can’t speak for all men in the world!

  9. Felicity
    6 years ago

    I believe that most woman are trying too hard to be in a relationship. Why not just enjoy being single, go on dates, enjoy life, live it to the fullest and then when when you least expect it, love will find you. I was in a marriage for 11 years, a 17 year relationship, i ended both, but i am still great friends with both my exes, i have been single for the past 5 years, i am intelligent, cute, sexy and confident, i call myself a ” Super sexy confident woman of substance” and men take notice, i can really pick and choose but i have self respect and integrity,i don’t want to hurt anyone, i don’t mislead them either, so i enjoy going on a date and having fun and have made many friends and we are all happy and joyous and treat it like a sing, song and dance. Leave the past in the past with no regret, learn from it, forgive and forget and love life, all the rest will follow when the time is right!!

  10. Nan
    6 years ago

    I am considered that sexy geek woman and in my early 40s. I don’t see the ‘sexy’ and actually quite self doubting. It is what I have been told by both my male and female friends and lovers, it is apparently the subtlety and appeal, not tacky revealing dress and I am not a flirtatious sort.

    I have a job I love and an IT geek, divorced and have raised a delightful and confident daughter.
    Your article states men want the confident and sexy woman? I often think once they get it, they realize they don’t want it. I recognize this is the impression men have of me and think they want such, but most I have dated feel the need to keep me in ‘place’? My successes must be the result of the short skirt or low blouses I wear, or because I am ‘hot’…..I dress stylishly, though conservatively and definitely not provocatively and most of my success is the result of a female boss’s action. It’s never about the fact I might be good at what I do, or more so, I work very hard. My drive, pride and identity come from the ability to provide for my daughter and more so, the hard work has allowed a flexible schedule and to be present in her life. I never wanted to work full time, I wanted to stay home.

    So really, my issue – I know the first impression most have of me (though they don’t understand that I’m shy and self conscious and compensate based on the need to survive in the work world) and with the men in my life, it seems even when I allow myself to be vulnerable and open up, which I do as that’s natural for me as well and I hear men want to be needed, want softness around the edges, blah, blah….the need to trivialize any hard earned achievement or support from the opposite sex comes down to my looks….even in my 40s. And I wonder if they’re disappointed that the fantasy is gone? I have struggles, sadness and need a warm embrace at times. I know all the b.s. about men, their insecurities, needs, how I am supposed to act, etc., etc. I want a stronger answer and less generic. I have experienced this with highly educated and successful men as well as more middle of the road. I am that woman who has read all the bloody books trying to figure out what is wrong with me and accountable for my weaknesses, likely too much so. What are the generic characteristics of a man who honestly embraces the apparently strong, sexy, successful woman and protects her, knowing there’s a lot more going on than meets the eye? I could trivialize myself and say I make bad choices and they are the wrong men for me, insecure, intimidated, etc…. but I know there’s more to it and I am partially responsible.

  11. Lou
    6 years ago

    Wow, I totally align with what Nan said. I’m different in that I have no children, am divorced and a very attractive 60 yr old entrepreneur who makes my own way in the world. Also, I am petite, soft-spoken, fun and supportive of all my friends, especially my man. I love to encourage people and applaud their wins, but do not pander to their ego. Hardly a ball-buster. One man said “I know you’d never hurt me.” Others say I’m a “nice” person (that one makes me feel disposable.) But it seems that what I have or don’t have (time, money, belongings) has less to do with why I cannot get a man to commit than the old “now I have her so don’t want her” syndrome. Yes, being sexy and intelligent is a huge draw to a man, until he has your attention. What IS that??? I feel many men are damaged, as in ADD, bipolar, autistic, sociopathic, etc., and many others are just insecure. They know how to play games, and are often quite smart about getting what they want, and then quickly get bored and don’t want it any more. I’ve noticed that applies to their friends, work, toys, music genres, liesure activities and women. Though I like your traffic light analogy (you can definitely tell when the light goes yellow), I think some of the rest of the answers you give are too simple, like Nan. Why do they pick a secure, confident and competent woman when they seem to want to reduce her all too soon? This is done with criticism, sarcasm, objectification of women, pitting you against other women, etc; behaviors they would never have displayed when they were pursuing you (or you WOULD NOT have been interested.) They may say in the beginning, “just keep doing what you’re doing.” So you do. You continue to be interested in who they really are, provide a safe place to be themselves, are always happy to hear from them or see them, are affectionate but give them space, go to work and keep your friends, have a life but are excited to make plans with and listen to them. And they still pull away. Are they bored? You are the same person. They originally talked as if you would meet their family, but it never happens. They turn 180 degrees, as you did. In fact, they behave as obnoxiously as possible, as if to cause you to break up with them! Again, what IS that? And then they disappear. Houdini. Just like in the book, “Men Who Can’t Love.” I think that book better describes the commitment phobic men I’ve fallen in love with. Like Nan, I wonder if I am attracting them. But I’ve been married twice, and even THOSE two men were really not committed. They had other agendas, outside their hearts, as to why they married me. Both wanted something that they thought would make their lives easier (a connection to money). Both thought money would come to them by marrying me, and it was not the case either time. Work at it? That wasn’t in their vocabulary. And both became verbally abusive in the first 3 years. Men, I have concluded, really can’t stand capable women. Nan, wanta write a book? I just want to solve the mystery. I would at least like to know when I meet a man, before I get at all invested, if he is commitment phobic. Question: what questions can I ask and what answers should I be on the lookout for in order to screen out these men????? They can PRETEND (the operative word) for months or years. We need practical answers!!

  12. Licia
    5 years ago

    New to your site and presentation ~ All seems strait to the heart of it, yet I am in a committed [living together] relationship. He recently became divorced [after 29 yrs] as she decided it was time for her to go ‘find herself’. Kids are all grown [2 out of 4 are in last yrs of college]. Big life change for him. He found me on FB [we were HS Sr sweethearts]. The relationship resumed in a flash! Great chemistry and he pursued me intensely. We have been together for a year now, with my eventually moving in with him 4 months ago. He’s brought me to meet his family [parents, grandmother, sister and kids] and during Christmas we went shopping for a ring! He has purchased it and it sits in the jewelers vault. Yet, he tells me that he’s not ready and at times he feels that he may never be ready although he loves me, wants to be with me, does not want me to leave – even though I should find a much better guy than he, I deserve some one better and he may never understand what I see in him.
    In watching your video, I do try to make him feel that he is desirable, attractive and tell him often of the wonderful traits he has as a devoted father, son and husband. That he has life long friends that love him and much I love, respect and adore him for who he is. He only tells me that he feels lost, and does not know if he will ever straighten out. That he is not good for me, after all. Its sad and it breaks my heart and hurts so much when I can not help him to be stronger and have faith in us.
    I was hoping you may have advice that can help me through this.

  13. Kathie
    4 years ago

    I have been reading many of the relationship experts’ advice on dating etc. I am a 61 year old widow of five years in August of this year. I met a guy, he is my pool man, how cliche is that?!!!
    But I met him 9 years ago, found him very attractive, but I was married to a man I truly loved for 25 years. He had a we over the past years became good friends. He broke up with his girlfriend this past fall, got custody of his 5 year old daughter. We began being more than just really close friends. He has asked me if I thought I would ever get married again, is he my no. one man, invited me to spend thanksgiving with his family, and I have met his two best friends,
    etc. He is handsome, funny, smart, makes me feel like a million bucks. We don’t see each other daily as he lives 40 minutes away from me and has his daughter. But we text and talk regularly. I saw him for the first time in a while two days ago and he said he has not been with anyone since we were together last, and told me today that he was thinking about me last nite and talked to his sister about me and how much he appreciates having me in his life….SO…..My comment or question is….I am 61 he is 39….we have discussed the age fact and he says it doesn’t matter to him, he doesn’t really think he wants more kids….I think it is all so wonderful…he is so honest and kind and sweet to me…I guess when you meet someone who is good and right for you it doesn’t matter about an age difference? I guess I’m just a little afraid that if I let myself cross the “love line” I will get hurt….losing my husband was catastrophic for me and a huge loss. But I can feel again with this man and it’s wonderful! My 27 year old son keeps telling me, Mom, you are a beautiful woman, NO ONE CARES HOW OLD YOU ARE EXCEPT YOU!!! and HE obviously doesn’t care either or he would not still be seeing you….I thought that was good advice since he is a MAN as well!!! Anyway….not sure if this all qualifies as a question or comment or what and having been out of the dating world for 25 years I’m a bit new to all of it!! But there you have it!
    And thanks! 🙂

  14. Jasmine
    4 years ago

    I’m confident, intelligent with strong beliefs but I have still been no more than a ‘fling’ – this guarantees nothing. It also suggests that many women lack intelligence, confidence and strong beliefs – some may fit this category but not many. Let’s face it, boys will be boys and quite happy to have a number of flings because they still have their freedom (no respect to males meant here). I think the thing is everyone needs to be honest up front – so if you just want a fling nothing serious say so and give the other person an opportunity to move on and seek the type of relationship they want. And if you’re told it’s just a fling and you hang around hoping for more then that’s you’re choice, but don’t complain when it comes to an end.

  15. Rainha
    4 years ago

    I’ve known this man for 11 years ! Yes 11 years ! We were online friends for 10 years and only since last one year we got interested in each other and as he was going to come to my country (we don’t live in the same place) , we started being more in touch and we started texting daily , many times during a day and somehow we got involved with each others daily life . We were counting the days to see each other ! He told me in his texts that “I might marry you!” in so many different ways and so many times!
    So 3 days ago he came to my country , he arrived noon time and we met at night … the first face to face meet up was so warm , he hugged me and kissed me , so did I , then we went for dinner and then decided that he will spend the first night of his trip with me . So we went and grabbed his stuff from the hotel and came to my place . A lot of romance took place between me and him that night , but we didn’t have intercourse. The next morning he went back to his hotel (I have to mention that he is in my country for sports competitions) , and I went to see his play the next day which was yesterday . After yesterday we haven’t had in contact with each other 🙁 . I’m really nervous and sad and I’m thinking what is going on in his mind ? We both are adults . I’ve been constantly checking his facebook messenger to see when was he online the last time and it says like 14 hours ago ! 🙁 I’m really sad … I don’t know what to trust ?